Thursday, January 21 2010

It's a New Beginning : Me

Who am I? that is a question that will be answered after i finished a new chapter of my life. People thought to be me is easy. But in matter of fact, i thinks its not easy to be me. Since ever of my life, i've becomming selfish and think that i'm not. For sometimes i fight with my self to ensure that i am a good guy. But, the truth is me,myself, has something bad inside. And i don't wanna make people worried or influence about it. The thing that suppose to be funny is i dont even thinking when write this first paragraph. It's like something in my mind try to figure out what is my hearth thought about myself. Maybe I got influence after I saw a Series Movie. Heroes Season 5 Chapter 16 Pass/Fail. The story tells about Sylar who figure out that he has a same common with Claire Bannet. But he doesn't know why he has a different life path like her. Sylar is trully lonely person and also with claire. But sylar is a bad guy reverse with claire. In other word, i think I like him, there is something bad inside me then i can't controlled, its like sinking a stone in to the water. I just fell down.

For your information, i actually have lost some paragraph just a couple minutes ago. My computer unfortunately get hang and i lost the entire paragraph. I try to rebuild the story that i've made, but its looks like not funny anymore for me. I really hate this situation. But, i will try my best.

Last night, I saw a movie titled Julie and Julia. Its a story about cook. From this movie I realize that if you have a dream you cannot just yelling it to your self, you must write it. So that, you will see the progress how your dream come true.

Today, i woke up and get weird feeling. Im feeling guilty that i 've disspointing people i loved. And i want to change it...

Holly, I can not remember what i write just before, its like not coming from my hearth again. So, i think i should finish write it for this time. Maybe next time. Oh, i Really Hate this!!!.

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Senses

Based on my previous story, maybe you judge me as a bad writer. Whatever, its up to you. I make this blog in consider that I will make my goal. My goal is only to get 4.0 in my GPA for the next three semester. So that, i must make a prove and share it to you, how i will get that. I hope i can make a good story and give you an enlighment.

Suddenly, I feel sorry for my geek and weakness that i can't tell you, because its still shame for me. I have tought that maybe my friend, my family, or someone else who have connection to me will found this blog, and this situation will make me shy. At least, thats what i thought when i try to write in this blog.

Ok. Lets start talking about today.

Today I woke up at 10.00 a.m, and then turn on my computer. I'm browsing on it. And i think you shouldn't know what i'm looking for.

I'm college student. And study in one of the best institution in my country. I live in a place called 'kosan'. I live here with four of my friend. Kosan is word that represent a place where college student stay. In united state maybe for the first grade student they will living together. Two people in one room. But in my country is not like that. There are four people living in one room. So, i dont think i like that situation. Then I choose a place called kosan. In kosan, each person has their own room. But even so, we are still share things, and others.

Back to the story, at least at 11.30 a.m I went out from my room and then met this man. He is about 40 years old man. I called him "Mang'. He is my ex-washerman. About few months ago I fired him. Ups, maybe the word fire too rough. Its more like I have to. My kosan is not a good place, its dirty and sometimes its really hard to me and my friend throwing away a garbage in to trash can outside my kosan. So in this situation, there is a woman, she is a washerwoman, she usually help my kosan friend too clean up their cloth. And she want to be a maid if only all of the member of this kosan want to hire her as our washerwoman. Thinking of this situation, so i change my mind and ask the old man. When i said so, he is not looks angry. Instead, he say thanks, because all of this time i've trust him as my worker.

One think is bothered me, after i fired him is that he always asking the same question to me when I met him, " Where are you going, Den?". "Den" term to "Mr" in English. I always answer the question as it is. Such us, Going to campuss, Going to lunch, Going to dinner, etc. May be this is just the way he talk to me. Or may be he try to say something that can not be said. Thats just my senses.

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Is it Life

What is Life? Many people have their own definiton about the meaning of life, but what is the truth about life? Is it can breath can be said as life? or maybe life is just a little game that played by the sickness, pain, sadness, and the contrary of them. Hmmm... who knows.

I talk to someone, he said his life full of happiness, and he still have no purpose or meaning of life, he just follow the way. He seem doesnt have any plan on this world. Even something like tax on his accounting book. He believe that life is full of joy, new knowledge, friendship, laugh, and many other. Is it life?

When i go out, its rainy out there. Surrounding feels like quiet and comfortable. Raindrop from the dark sky, fall from thousand feet above, make me calm. I dont think the rain is symbol of saddness. I see it differently. The rain revive the dead soil, cleaning up all track of human being, cleaning the dust on the street, and also making the slum kid smile and forget about their pain and hunger. Rain also can make a writer put their pen just to enjoy a moment when the water fall down from the sky. This beauty of nature is magnificence. Is it life?

I actually do not know what i'm talking about, but this two paragraph above make me glad and also dissapoint when read it. My english is bad and I also repeat same word in many times. But, the way I comunicate it to you is more important.

The thing that i want to tell you is about purpose of life. Playing life in the couple scene and just follow the "producer" rules is not challenging. You will life as an ordinary people. And it will make you just sitting, eating, and laughing like the others. Forget about the rules. Make your own rhytme, choose your own destiny and grab your dreams. Thats the way you live for. And if you hear someone whispering about you. Don't Ignore it. You must listen to them and always thinking like you see numeral 6. Its numeral nine for me.